The Good Stuff.
Aug. 24th, 2008 08:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
quigonejinnThis probably isn't the wrongest thing I've ever written, but it comes close. I mean. Yeah. Pint-size crack, massive, epic, bodybag sized wrong. You are warned. It definitely eats the wrong in every other Iron Man fic I've ever written for a pre-breakfast snack. Ideas from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dafnap and jamaillith and hradzka.
If that's not a pedigree for messed, I don't know what is.
26.
He reaches over her to check the seatbelt, and she makes a noise in her throat and tries to sit up, but can't quite manage it.
"This is where I get out," he says, and kisses her the cheek, then smoothes a bit of her hair behind her ear, and through the windshield, she can see that the windows at Tony's house show that the lights are still on. The house itself is only half a mile away.
The Pacific Ocean is, however, somewhat closer.
25.
It's a beautiful night with the wind coming straight off the ocean, and it blows into her face and plays with her hair until he stops in a pull-off just after the curve. She can smell cedar trees on the breeze; Parks and Recreation has cleared them away to give a clear view of Tony's house, half a mile away. The lights are still on, and they look close.
The Pacific Ocean is deep and dark, though, and closer.
Obadiah turns the headlights off, undoes his seatbelt, and comes around the back of the Audi. He opens the door. He undoes her seatbelt. He picks her up, very, very gently and carries her back around the Audi. He turns the headlights back on.
24.
They drive.
23.
They drive. It's a beautiful night, so he turns the air conditioning off and rolls down the windows. Her Audi has driver-control of all the windows; he opens the window for her, too, and she takes an audible breath. He laughs, makes sure the breeze coming through the window isn't too strong for her.
It feels like they've been driving for a long time, but Pepper knows that it hasn't been that long.
It hasn't been that far.
22.
Obadiah gives a happy-sounding sigh and puts it down by her knee, tucked in nice and safe, but out of the way, then turns the key in the ignition. They pull out of the driveway.
Pepper knows the house is receding, but can't quite turn her head to look
21.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?"
The light plays over her face and his fingers.
Smiling and quite satisfied, he shuts the case with a click.
20.
He comes out of the house and down the steps. She can't turn her head to look, and the windows are up, so she can't hear the footsteps or him walking on blacktop, but this is Tony's house. She knows the front of it better than she knows her own house. Three steps down. Five feet to the curb with crushed gravel on both sides of the sidewalk. She had the guys come out and re-do the blacktop just this spring, and Pepper can't turn her head when Obadiah opens the door and sits down and sighs, sounding quite happy.
19.
She waits. The blood has pretty much stopped.
18.
She waits. Blood runs down the side of her cheeks. Her hand can't even shake anymore.
17.
When he reaches over to check her seatbelt and strokes her cheek, she tries to scream and hit him, threaten him, move her legs, throw herself against the door, do something, anything to warn Tony, but the only thing that happens is that her left hand spasms briefly, then goes still.
He sees it and grins.
"Oh, Pepper," he says, chuckling, and gets out of the car. She tries, but can't turn her head.
16.
They pull into the driveway. He brings the car to a stop at the usual place.
15.
A mile from Tony's place, when dusk has settled well over the coast and even the edges near the sky are no longer pink, he pulls into an empty parking lot for a scenic outlook and hits her with the paralyzer again, and she arches back, goes rigid against the seat. He dabs away the blood coming from the corners of her eyes and running down into the hollow her throat.
She moans, low in her throat, when the Kleenex touches her.
"You think I didn't notice?" he says and dabs just to the left of her voicebox. "Come on, Pepper. Tony designed the thing, but I was the one who took it out for test drives."
Pepper struggles to breathe.
"No, it's not really easy to breathe in the overlap period. " he says and starts the car again. "Can't have you running off while I'm with Tony."
She chokes, then settles. He chuckles, refastens her seatbelt, then takes the car off the gravel.
14.
Pepper recognizes the road. Of course, she recognizes the goddamn Pacific Coast Highway, and shortly after that, she realizes that she can wriggle her fingers, though not make them close around anything yet. The effect must be slowly wearing off, inch by inch. The worst pain she's ever felt in her life shoots up her arm when she tries to move from the shoulder, but Obadiah doesn't seem notice. She can move her hand an inch, then to the edge of the seat, then until her fingers are almost brushing the door.
13.
She can bend her wrist.
12.
She can move her elbow.
11.
A couple miles out, when he's found a sufficiently deserted stretch of the highway, he brings her out and settles her into the passenger's seat. It's her car. They were in her Audi the whole time.
Very gently, he straps her back into the heels and fastens the seatbelt over her chest.
"It's lonely driving by yourself," he explains, settling back into the driver's seat. "And I'd feel bad if the inside of Tony's backup overseas suitcase was -- well."
He doesn't say why he'd feel bad, but Pepper can -- can recognize this road. She knows where they are, and he can see that she knows where they are.
10.
At the end of it, he takes her heels off, very gently, then folds her up into shape to fit into the big, rolling suitcase that he brings out from the closet. It has hard sides, but a zipper, and he tucks her into it, then puts her heels and purse in next to her and, for her comfort, a towel between her head and the back of the suitcase. He zips the suitcase up. Her keys jingle in his hand; he tucks them into his pocket, and she hears him pass the security guards.
He asks after their families. One of them is a Lakers fan. Pepper knows this because he wears a non-regulation Lakers pin on his tie sometimes.
Obadiah teases him about the Clippers. They both laugh. Pepper tries to make noise.
9.
Pepper lies on the leather couch with her face turned towards the back, with the blanket tucked around her shoulders. Pepper is too terrified and can't understand what he's doing until one of his secretaries comes into the office. Yes, it's Tony's office, but the older of Obadiah's two corporate secretaries thinks she saw him down in this part of the building, so she comes in with something for him to sign.
"Oh," she says, presumably on spotting Pepper. "Um, am I -- "
"Poor girl," Obadiah says, speaking in a low voice and after shh-ing the secretary. "Bad day with Tony. I told her to go home as soon as she's had a nap. What do you have for me?"
Pepper can't handle Tony anymore. That's the take-back-to-the-desk message. By the morning, it'll be all over the e-mail of everybody above junior vice-president and their secretaries, and Pepper might, in other circumstances, be more than little angry about it, but as it is, she barely thinks about it. She concentrates on trying to do more than tremble in place on the couch.
As it is, a beeper on his desk goes off when it's time for him to hit her with the paralyzer again.
Twice. Three times. Four times.
She loses count. The sun hits the top of the couch, then slides down. Then disappears.
There's a towel underneath her face to keep the blood from Obadiah's upholstery.
8.
"Low dose over a longer emissions period," he says, showing her the setting panel on the paralyzer. "Not quite as strong as the full dose, which causes total immobility for about fifteen minutes, but what you're getting lasts longer. Don't look at me like that, Pepper. It hurts a little, and it does some bad things back here -- " He taps the back of her head, right around where it meets her neck.
"But nothing you should worry about."
She tries to move, but only ends up trembling, briefly. He smiles and pats her cheek.
7.
He closes her mouth for her when he's done. Wipes her mouth, too. He settles her on the leather couch and turns her face towards the back, then tucks a blanket around her shoulders. Pepper is too terrified to think.
6.
She can't breathe, she can't breathe, she can't move, she can't -- "Breathe," he says, still supporting the side of her head.
"Relax, Pepper. It's nothing you haven't done before. You can handle this. Just do what you can."
5.
"Shh," he says and grips her by the jaw and slides forward. Not too deep, but not so shallow that he doesn't smile -- her eyes are still fixed on his face.
4.
She can't breathe, she can't breathe, she can't move, she can't -- "Breathe," he says, gently supporting the side of her head.
"Relax. Relax, Pepper, your abdominal muscles will take over. Your brain won't let you suffocate. You'll start breathing again."
3.
They had sex a couple times, actually, while Tony was gone: it was just low-grade flirting before he went to Afghanistan. Pleasant, possibly slightly inappropriate, but comfortable, nonetheless, and one night, she was working late at Tony's, trying to get the utilities unsnarled, and Obadiah came by unexpectedly.
He seemed surprised to see her, almost embarrassed at having been caught coming by, presumably because he missed Tony, and then, he accidentally referred to Tony in the past tense, and she started to sob -- and it was nice. She slept in his arms that night in one of the spare bedrooms, and when they woke in the morning, he made her eggs, and they talked about Tony. It was good. The best night of sleep she had during those three months; the best sex she had in at least a year or two, so they did it a couple more times. When Tony came home, that was a natural stop to it, but Pepper knows he was trying to capitalize on that feeling of warmth, of companionship, when he put his hand over hers, and since she's otherwise occupied, she doesn't quite notice when he transfers the Scotch to his left hand and reaches inside his coat pocket with the right.
Then, Obadiah touches first his left ear, then his right. He reaches into the pocket again.
A noise goes off by her ear.
She can't breathe, she can't breathe, she can't move, she can't --
2.
She gets down on her knees, slowly, making sure to keep the ghost drive tight in her hand, but also to keep eye contact with him because she remembers him liking that. Obadiah likes being looked at during sex. He likes power. The vi -- the things she confirms that confirm it, but she can't think about it too much, or she won't be able to do this.
She undoes his fly and licks her lower lip.
Obadiah keeps the glass of scotch in his right hand, and he smiles, a little indulgently.
1.
Obadiah's lips are dry, and he seems a little surprised when she leans forward and kisses him, hard. The door clicks shut behind him, and her heart thuds, hard, against her chest. She tries to smile at him when she pulls away. His hand is in the small of her back, touching her where the jacket rides up and underneath the camisole.
0.
"-- the good stuff for himself," Obadiah says and pours her a drink, and Pepper has to fight every nerve and fiber and muscle in her body to keep from running away, to give him the best smile that she can.
And he seems to appreciate it. There is, in fact, a smile in the corners of his mouth, too.
THANKS FOR BEING MY SHERPA-PROOFREADERS OF WRONG, HIVEMIND.
And yeah, don't blame me for this. The idea came up during chatting with the threesome up above. Pepper being in the car while Obie takes the arc reactor out, and Pepper lying there on the couch when the secretary comes in? ALL THEM. The security guard bit is also mostlydafnap's doing. In fact, the idea come up during a chat with her where she pointed out that during the scene of utter and horrifying office intimidation, Obadiah actually reaches out and touches. You know. And then she backed it up with video and screencap proof. I hate her.
dafnap and jamaillith and hradzka.If that's not a pedigree for messed, I don't know what is.
26.
He reaches over her to check the seatbelt, and she makes a noise in her throat and tries to sit up, but can't quite manage it.
"This is where I get out," he says, and kisses her the cheek, then smoothes a bit of her hair behind her ear, and through the windshield, she can see that the windows at Tony's house show that the lights are still on. The house itself is only half a mile away.
The Pacific Ocean is, however, somewhat closer.
25.
It's a beautiful night with the wind coming straight off the ocean, and it blows into her face and plays with her hair until he stops in a pull-off just after the curve. She can smell cedar trees on the breeze; Parks and Recreation has cleared them away to give a clear view of Tony's house, half a mile away. The lights are still on, and they look close.
The Pacific Ocean is deep and dark, though, and closer.
Obadiah turns the headlights off, undoes his seatbelt, and comes around the back of the Audi. He opens the door. He undoes her seatbelt. He picks her up, very, very gently and carries her back around the Audi. He turns the headlights back on.
24.
They drive.
23.
They drive. It's a beautiful night, so he turns the air conditioning off and rolls down the windows. Her Audi has driver-control of all the windows; he opens the window for her, too, and she takes an audible breath. He laughs, makes sure the breeze coming through the window isn't too strong for her.
It feels like they've been driving for a long time, but Pepper knows that it hasn't been that long.
It hasn't been that far.
22.
Obadiah gives a happy-sounding sigh and puts it down by her knee, tucked in nice and safe, but out of the way, then turns the key in the ignition. They pull out of the driveway.
Pepper knows the house is receding, but can't quite turn her head to look
21.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?"
The light plays over her face and his fingers.
Smiling and quite satisfied, he shuts the case with a click.
20.
He comes out of the house and down the steps. She can't turn her head to look, and the windows are up, so she can't hear the footsteps or him walking on blacktop, but this is Tony's house. She knows the front of it better than she knows her own house. Three steps down. Five feet to the curb with crushed gravel on both sides of the sidewalk. She had the guys come out and re-do the blacktop just this spring, and Pepper can't turn her head when Obadiah opens the door and sits down and sighs, sounding quite happy.
19.
She waits. The blood has pretty much stopped.
18.
She waits. Blood runs down the side of her cheeks. Her hand can't even shake anymore.
17.
When he reaches over to check her seatbelt and strokes her cheek, she tries to scream and hit him, threaten him, move her legs, throw herself against the door, do something, anything to warn Tony, but the only thing that happens is that her left hand spasms briefly, then goes still.
He sees it and grins.
"Oh, Pepper," he says, chuckling, and gets out of the car. She tries, but can't turn her head.
16.
They pull into the driveway. He brings the car to a stop at the usual place.
15.
A mile from Tony's place, when dusk has settled well over the coast and even the edges near the sky are no longer pink, he pulls into an empty parking lot for a scenic outlook and hits her with the paralyzer again, and she arches back, goes rigid against the seat. He dabs away the blood coming from the corners of her eyes and running down into the hollow her throat.
She moans, low in her throat, when the Kleenex touches her.
"You think I didn't notice?" he says and dabs just to the left of her voicebox. "Come on, Pepper. Tony designed the thing, but I was the one who took it out for test drives."
Pepper struggles to breathe.
"No, it's not really easy to breathe in the overlap period. " he says and starts the car again. "Can't have you running off while I'm with Tony."
She chokes, then settles. He chuckles, refastens her seatbelt, then takes the car off the gravel.
14.
Pepper recognizes the road. Of course, she recognizes the goddamn Pacific Coast Highway, and shortly after that, she realizes that she can wriggle her fingers, though not make them close around anything yet. The effect must be slowly wearing off, inch by inch. The worst pain she's ever felt in her life shoots up her arm when she tries to move from the shoulder, but Obadiah doesn't seem notice. She can move her hand an inch, then to the edge of the seat, then until her fingers are almost brushing the door.
13.
She can bend her wrist.
12.
She can move her elbow.
11.
A couple miles out, when he's found a sufficiently deserted stretch of the highway, he brings her out and settles her into the passenger's seat. It's her car. They were in her Audi the whole time.
Very gently, he straps her back into the heels and fastens the seatbelt over her chest.
"It's lonely driving by yourself," he explains, settling back into the driver's seat. "And I'd feel bad if the inside of Tony's backup overseas suitcase was -- well."
He doesn't say why he'd feel bad, but Pepper can -- can recognize this road. She knows where they are, and he can see that she knows where they are.
10.
At the end of it, he takes her heels off, very gently, then folds her up into shape to fit into the big, rolling suitcase that he brings out from the closet. It has hard sides, but a zipper, and he tucks her into it, then puts her heels and purse in next to her and, for her comfort, a towel between her head and the back of the suitcase. He zips the suitcase up. Her keys jingle in his hand; he tucks them into his pocket, and she hears him pass the security guards.
He asks after their families. One of them is a Lakers fan. Pepper knows this because he wears a non-regulation Lakers pin on his tie sometimes.
Obadiah teases him about the Clippers. They both laugh. Pepper tries to make noise.
9.
Pepper lies on the leather couch with her face turned towards the back, with the blanket tucked around her shoulders. Pepper is too terrified and can't understand what he's doing until one of his secretaries comes into the office. Yes, it's Tony's office, but the older of Obadiah's two corporate secretaries thinks she saw him down in this part of the building, so she comes in with something for him to sign.
"Oh," she says, presumably on spotting Pepper. "Um, am I -- "
"Poor girl," Obadiah says, speaking in a low voice and after shh-ing the secretary. "Bad day with Tony. I told her to go home as soon as she's had a nap. What do you have for me?"
Pepper can't handle Tony anymore. That's the take-back-to-the-desk message. By the morning, it'll be all over the e-mail of everybody above junior vice-president and their secretaries, and Pepper might, in other circumstances, be more than little angry about it, but as it is, she barely thinks about it. She concentrates on trying to do more than tremble in place on the couch.
As it is, a beeper on his desk goes off when it's time for him to hit her with the paralyzer again.
Twice. Three times. Four times.
She loses count. The sun hits the top of the couch, then slides down. Then disappears.
There's a towel underneath her face to keep the blood from Obadiah's upholstery.
8.
"Low dose over a longer emissions period," he says, showing her the setting panel on the paralyzer. "Not quite as strong as the full dose, which causes total immobility for about fifteen minutes, but what you're getting lasts longer. Don't look at me like that, Pepper. It hurts a little, and it does some bad things back here -- " He taps the back of her head, right around where it meets her neck.
"But nothing you should worry about."
She tries to move, but only ends up trembling, briefly. He smiles and pats her cheek.
7.
He closes her mouth for her when he's done. Wipes her mouth, too. He settles her on the leather couch and turns her face towards the back, then tucks a blanket around her shoulders. Pepper is too terrified to think.
6.
She can't breathe, she can't breathe, she can't move, she can't -- "Breathe," he says, still supporting the side of her head.
"Relax, Pepper. It's nothing you haven't done before. You can handle this. Just do what you can."
5.
"Shh," he says and grips her by the jaw and slides forward. Not too deep, but not so shallow that he doesn't smile -- her eyes are still fixed on his face.
4.
She can't breathe, she can't breathe, she can't move, she can't -- "Breathe," he says, gently supporting the side of her head.
"Relax. Relax, Pepper, your abdominal muscles will take over. Your brain won't let you suffocate. You'll start breathing again."
3.
They had sex a couple times, actually, while Tony was gone: it was just low-grade flirting before he went to Afghanistan. Pleasant, possibly slightly inappropriate, but comfortable, nonetheless, and one night, she was working late at Tony's, trying to get the utilities unsnarled, and Obadiah came by unexpectedly.
He seemed surprised to see her, almost embarrassed at having been caught coming by, presumably because he missed Tony, and then, he accidentally referred to Tony in the past tense, and she started to sob -- and it was nice. She slept in his arms that night in one of the spare bedrooms, and when they woke in the morning, he made her eggs, and they talked about Tony. It was good. The best night of sleep she had during those three months; the best sex she had in at least a year or two, so they did it a couple more times. When Tony came home, that was a natural stop to it, but Pepper knows he was trying to capitalize on that feeling of warmth, of companionship, when he put his hand over hers, and since she's otherwise occupied, she doesn't quite notice when he transfers the Scotch to his left hand and reaches inside his coat pocket with the right.
Then, Obadiah touches first his left ear, then his right. He reaches into the pocket again.
A noise goes off by her ear.
She can't breathe, she can't breathe, she can't move, she can't --
2.
She gets down on her knees, slowly, making sure to keep the ghost drive tight in her hand, but also to keep eye contact with him because she remembers him liking that. Obadiah likes being looked at during sex. He likes power. The vi -- the things she confirms that confirm it, but she can't think about it too much, or she won't be able to do this.
She undoes his fly and licks her lower lip.
Obadiah keeps the glass of scotch in his right hand, and he smiles, a little indulgently.
1.
Obadiah's lips are dry, and he seems a little surprised when she leans forward and kisses him, hard. The door clicks shut behind him, and her heart thuds, hard, against her chest. She tries to smile at him when she pulls away. His hand is in the small of her back, touching her where the jacket rides up and underneath the camisole.
0.
"-- the good stuff for himself," Obadiah says and pours her a drink, and Pepper has to fight every nerve and fiber and muscle in her body to keep from running away, to give him the best smile that she can.
And he seems to appreciate it. There is, in fact, a smile in the corners of his mouth, too.
THANKS FOR BEING MY SHERPA-PROOFREADERS OF WRONG, HIVEMIND.
And yeah, don't blame me for this. The idea came up during chatting with the threesome up above. Pepper being in the car while Obie takes the arc reactor out, and Pepper lying there on the couch when the secretary comes in? ALL THEM. The security guard bit is also mostly
dafnap's doing. In fact, the idea come up during a chat with her where she pointed out that during the scene of utter and horrifying office intimidation, Obadiah actually reaches out and touches. You know. And then she backed it up with video and screencap proof. I hate her.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-25 03:27 am (UTC)*falls over dead*
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-26 12:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-25 03:28 am (UTC)Oh god. The implication of it. And Pepper meeting the deep and never calling Rhodey, so yeah, Tony dies on that couch and Pepper bites it in the sea and I HATE YOU. SO MUCH.
"But nothing you should worry about."
Jesus. Fuck. Rhod. I can't. I'm going to go in the corner and weep now, so thanks, thanks for that.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-26 12:14 am (UTC)This doesn't mean that I've stopped hating you, though.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-25 03:43 am (UTC)This is absolutely horrifying, and the reversed structure works insanely well for it. Gahh. You really nail Obadiah here; the combination of loving demeanor and horrible acts makes him a really flesh-crawlingly scary villain, much more so than if he were Grand Guignol.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-26 12:15 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-25 03:49 am (UTC)I think I have to read it again.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-25 04:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-25 05:45 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:Okay, I'm going to start screaming now
From:Re: Okay, I'm going to start screaming now
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-25 04:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-25 04:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-25 06:47 am (UTC)It took about three times reading it for my poor sleep-deprived brain (which only half remembers canon) to understand wtf was going on, but it was awesome prior to knowing and awesomer after, so it worked out. You have such a talent for lines that pack a punch that I feel a little bruised by the end. Also, I feel kind of bad about how much more interesting than everyone else I find Obadiah.
(I feel very out of place, commenting to your fic among your Iron Man legion.)
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-26 12:08 am (UTC)Obadiah is pretty much the bee's knees of wrong. He's just -- there. And I am so, so deeply amused that this is not the wrongest thing you've seen me write. \o/ I AM AMUSED. AND PROUD.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-25 11:25 am (UTC)well, this might one-up that.
jesus.There are rarely stories that are *better* the second time you read them, but this one... this one, jesus. Yeah. Your stories need re-reading, and that's amazing to me.
I'm just gonna go to work now and pretend that this isn't *exactly* what would have gone down.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-26 01:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-25 11:48 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-26 01:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-25 02:13 pm (UTC)Well done, as usual.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-28 12:28 pm (UTC)Or something that looks like it. XD I'm glad you enjoyed it.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-25 03:03 pm (UTC)Guh.
It took me a bit to grok it, too, with it being backwards. Because it was like insanely right after I woke up, and my brain was not on really. But then the numbers sort of waved at me. So yeah.
OMG.
did I mention how much Wrong? And how much i love it?
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-25 09:54 pm (UTC)DDDDDDDDDD:
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-28 12:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-26 12:30 am (UTC)Why did you choose to do the reversed-chronology thing? And the numbers as well, for that matter? (I'm not saying I like or dislike either - I'm just not totally sure what they do for the story.)
this is one long-ass comment.
Date: 2008-08-27 01:20 pm (UTC)In all seriousness, I am totally open to suggestions as to how I could have made that narrative darker outside of, like. I don't know. Cannibalism?
The reverse structure was for two main reasons. First, selling the reader on the story. It's a lot easier to sell a casual, not-that-involved reader fresh from clicking around on graphics comms on her f-list that Obadiah would do slightly creepy things to Pepper in the dark than HOLY SHIT OBADIAH STANE IS FUCKING PEPPER POTTS'S MOUTH IN TONY STARK'S OFFICE. It's possible, I think, but I'd have to do a lot more handwaving and either restructure the storytelling or do a lot more grounding.
Second, telling it backwards was a way of keeping the emphasis where I wanted it to be. I wanted to talk about the last afternoon and night of this Pepper's life. The blowjob is a pretty striking image/event. If I put it at the beginning, I'd have to dig myself out from underneath it and do more to get the reader to pay attention, for example, to Pepper in the car waiting for Obadiah to come out after killing Tony. I didn't want the reader to be thinking IS HE GONNA FUCK HER AGAIN? IS HE GONNA FUCK HER AGAIN? LEMME SCROLL TO THE SEXX0R. By putting the blowjob and the suitcase and all that other more showily creepy stuff at the end, I get to have my cake and eat it too -- creepifying narrative about it, a powerful takeaway image for the reader, but no trying to get the reader to think about stuff other than Pepper unable to close her mouth even after Obadiah is done coming in it.
There're a lot of other reasons -- pacing is easier this way, suspense is easier to maintain, etc., but I won't bore you
more than I have. Those are two big ones.Numbers were to remind the reader that storytelling was happening in reverse. A lot of the scenes take place in similar sequences, so I wanted to keep the method of reading front-and-central.
Re: this is one long-ass comment.
From:(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-26 12:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-28 12:27 pm (UTC)Well, you know, I don't have any fundamental objection to that.
Yeah. I'm glad you liked it. (And holy shit, how kind you've been to leave FB on all those other fics. o_o)
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-26 01:05 am (UTC)"Tony. Why didn't you tell me you had a spare? We could have avoided all this... unpleasantness." A dark chuckle, and Obadiah looms into his field of vision. "Here. Let me help you with that."
Obadiah plucks the original arc reactor from Tony's numbed fingers and puts it carefully back up on the worktable. He pulls a handkerchief out with one hand. "Now then... where were we?"
The cloth is still warm from Obadiah's pocket as it goes across Tony's nose and mouth.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-26 01:08 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-26 02:11 am (UTC)I love the reverse technique. LOVE IT! But this reads well either direction. (Don't ask how many times I've gone up and down.)
Pepper can't handle Tony anymore.
Yeah. That's the take-back message, alright. So everyone is horrified but not totally surprised when the authorities find that little device in the Audi ... with Pepper ... under the water.
You are wickedly good.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-26 05:03 am (UTC)DX
Eeeww! That's so wrong!!!
Date: 2008-08-26 07:20 am (UTC)""Shh," he says and grips her by the jaw and slides forward. Not too deep, but not so shallow that he doesn't smile -- her eyes are still fixed on his face."
don't mind me; i'm just gonna go and pour some extra-strength Liquid Drano in my ear now.
seriously, it was fascinating. myself, i might have reduced the number of sections, grouped some of them together to make it read a little more smoothly, but i love the reverse-chronology device.
OMG
Date: 2008-08-28 09:38 pm (UTC)I just sent it to my sister so she can join all of us in going DDDDDDD: as well, hehe.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-28 10:02 pm (UTC)I just read this thing backwards and forwards, or... forwards and backwards? Whatever, I read it twice. And it burns going down no matter which way I read it o__o
Seriously, this is awesome. And horrifying. Horrifyingly awesome?
glasscannon and I were discussing it in IM, and we decided that fluff and chocolate ice cream might help to ease the pain from this. But lolcats would not. I reference the above string about Obadiah and puppies. For this, lolcats = NO.
And I join the chorus: DDDDDDDDDD:
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-28 10:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:How about a cautious lolcat?
From:(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-29 03:54 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-22 06:32 am (UTC)Breathless, in a fantastically horrible way.
- Chief
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-24 09:59 pm (UTC)that's all i can manage.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-11-12 08:29 pm (UTC)