Celebration.
Jul. 3rd, 2008 09:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
quigonejinnSo. A couple of us were kicking around the idea of James Bond being in SHIELD and meeting Tony Stark and playing poker? And somehow, Bruce Wayne got involved? So. UH. HERE.
Three billionaires, James Bond, and a hyper-efficient personal assistant walk into a room. Who walks out?
...
Pepper deals, of course, and the room is actually the game salon on Harry Osborn's hundred-foot yacht, the Celebration. The décor is typical, understated Osborn, which means there is approximately an acre of mahogany on the walls, and a dowry's worth of bovines in the upholstery. Osborn himself comes in and watches for half an hour, then goes back to playing host; another table of players sets up in the same room, but they decide to move outdoors, and by ten-thirty, things have settled. Pepper is surprisingly good at dealing the cards. She takes them in hand, resting one edge on her fingertips and the other under her thumb, shuffles, strips from the bottom, shuffles again, strips again, shuffles a third time, and deals, smooth and easy as if they were on the floor of the Bellagio.
"Yes?" she says, her eyebrows lifted a little.
Bond looks appreciative; Obadiah seems amused. Bruce, as usual, looks like he's staring at a blank wall; Tony is a little put out that he never knew that Pepper was good at this, too.
...
After winning two hands in a row that add up to about the price of a very nice little sports car, Obadiah decides to light a celebratory cigar. Tony asks the steward to bring up one of the bottles of Laphroaig that he brought aboard, and in a gesture of solidarity, Bond drinks that instead of his usual.
"Water for your Scotch, Mr. Smith?" the steward asks. Mr. Smith is the name that Bond is using. A wealthy Irish industrialist, reaping the benefits of the Celtic Tiger and globalization. Slightly unsavory background, possible connection to the certain groups in South America with a tendency to kidnap and torture.
"No, just ice."
Tony, being Tony, keeps up a steady stream of banter. Obadiah answers; Bond-known-as-Smith stays quiet, offers a pleasant remark to the occasional sally, but remembers everything, and Bruce concentrates on playing even though Tony has known him since they were running around in miniature versions of their fathers' suits at society weddings. They both have distinct memories of the time that eight year old Tony managed to somehow program the champagne fountains to go berserk everybody somebody said the word "fabulous" within ten feet of them.
"You sure you won't have some, Bruce?"
Wayne looks over. Tony gives him a look in return. "I'm fine with water, thanks. Are you going to bet?"
When asked, point blank by his father, about the champagne fountains,, Bruce confessed to knowing that it would happen and giving Tony the pennies that he'd had in his pocket because Tony needed them to do something to finish the device he put under the third of the champagne fountains. Thomas grounded him for a month and a half with a 7:30 bedtime for the whole time. When Thomas told Howard, Howard laughed and eyed Tony trying to look innocent a few feet away.
"Well, I guess that means you're not getting those digital signal processors you wanted."
"But -- "
"You didn't soak Bunny Mathers, son. If you'd done your job properly, I would've handed you this year's Texas Instruments catalog." And Howard winked at Tony.
...
"Pepper, how did you get so good at this?"
"Practice, Tony. Lots of practice."
Bond has, in fact, been studying Pepper's hands, and he thinks, to himself, that she has nice hands for it, too. Not just the manicure, but they're nicely sized and shaped. She catches him studying them and blushes in the prettiest way.
Bond admires the blush, too.
...
"Christ, Bruce. I'm asking as a childhood friend here. Would you drink something besides water? It's positively unnatural to drink water when playing poker."
Bruce fixes Tony with a grim expression.
"No."
...
Water or not -- or perhaps because of the water -- Bruce is the first one out of the game. The pot regularly stands well into five digits, and he has the discipline to stop. The money doesn't even come vaguely close to being significant, and he's tired and a more than a little bored. Stane and Smith are both pretty good. Smith is better than Stane at bluffing, but Stane reads others well without giving too much away. Tony bluffs like a virgin in a whorehouse, but plays the numbers the numbers and odds impeccably. It annoys Bruce that anybody can drink that much and obviously be drunk, but still stay remember the odds of drawing a face diamond to bet correctly. And giggle like the aformentioned virgin when he hauls it in with both hands.
Pepper can't quite stop yawning, so Bruce takes over dealing for her. She curls up on one of the couches, and five minutes later, when Tony turns around to complain that Bruce is probably cheating at dealing cards, she's fast asleep. Her shoes are on the floor, and her feet are tucked underneath her.
Obadiah looks at Bruce; Bruce looks at Bond-known-as-Smith. Bond-known-as-Smith stands up, takes his jacket off, and tucks it over her shoulders. Tony is busy looking at Pepper, but everybody notices that when man-that-Bruce-knows-is-using-a-false-name sits back down, there's a neat little Walther PP9 hanging under his arm.
"Well?" he says.
Nobody says anything, so the game continues. While Bruce deals the flop, the guy guy rolls his sleeves up, and they see the marks and broken skin and on the right forearm, what looks like glass, still caught under the skin.
Bruce knows there's an ankle holster, too, but decides to say nothing about it.
...
"Shit, Tony, I bought those for you."
Tony, at this point, is so drunk that it takes him a second to register that Obadiah is talking to him. He looks over, squints in an obvious attempt to get his eyes to focus, and decides to do the next best thing of staring at the painting on the wall behind Obadiah. He can't tell what, exactly, it's a painting of, but it involves plenty of the color green. And maybe a horse. Tony squints again and decides he really can't tell. Those might be legs. Or they could be trees. Shit.
"Well, now you have a chance to get them back, Obie."
There's a moment of silence – there's no denying they're a handsome pair of cufflinks. Blue semi-precious gems, Bond guesses, carved across the front. There's just a little bit of a cat's eye effect when the light hits them. Bond leans back in his chair and looks at Tony, who's sitting directly across from him.
"You can take them back out again if you like."
Tony makes a drunken, waving kind of motion, and Obadiah looks at both Bond and Tony, then at the pot sitting messily in the middle, for a long moment. It's a mess of chips two inches deep with Tony's cufflinks sitting on top, bright blue, and Obadiah exhales and puts his cards face down on the table.
"No, I'm done. Goddamn you both. Tony, those spinels were carved in Persepolis with the face of Darius the Great, king of all Persia, two hundred years before Alexander was a gleam in his daddy's eye. I got them for you the Christmas that we sold the Seraphim tactical satellite."
On the couch, Pepper sighs and buries her face a little more against the silk lining on Bond's jacket.
...
"Fuck," Tony says, looking at the keys in his hand. "I've got your car."
"It's not really my car,. It belongs to -- " the guy says. He starts to say something, then stops. They're both so drunk that it's pretty much a miracle of genetics that they haven't passed out, vomited, died, or some combination there of. "Well, let's just say my life won't be worth living in about -- eight hours?"
Tony nods. The cuff links are sitting on the table across from him, almost winking, and Tony thinks he should wave goodbye to them or something. "Obadiah is going to be pretty pissed at me for, like, forever for losing those," he says.
They sit in silence for a while, and Bruce Wayne makes a noise of sheer disgust. "Why don't you guys trade?"
Simultaneously: "Oh."
...
Q: Three billionaires, James Bond, and a hyper-efficient personal assistant walk into a room. Who walks out?
A: Two billionaires, one of whom is very drunk and one of whom is very sober. Also, James Bond. Who happens to be somewhat drunk, but not as drunk as he pretends to be.
The third billionaire puts a hand on the shoulder of the personal assistant and gently nudges her awake.
...
"Pepper. Wake up."
She opens her eyes and Obadiah is standing in front of her. The room is empty. "Whose jacket is this?" she says, sounding more than a little dazed.
"Smith's. He put it over you when you fell asleep. Leave it here, and he'll get it tomorrow." Pepper, still sleepy, does what he tells her, and she takes his help in getting up off the couch and leans on his arm, again, to bend down and pick up her shoes. They walk out of the salon and go down the hall, but outside her door, Pepper turns and frowns.
"Where's Tony?"
"He went to go drink some more with Smith."
"More?" Pepper's entire face gets into frowning. "What time is it? He can't do that, Obadiah. He has to -- he has a meeting -- "
"Go to bed, Pepper." Obadiah takes the keycard from her hand, swipes it in the door for her, and hands it back. "I'll see you in a few hours."
Pepper thinks about arguing with him, but decides against it, and once she's staggered through the door, Obadiah shuts it behind her and shakes the handle a little to make sure it's really locked. When he's satisfied, he walks the rest of the way down the corridor, then takes a left and goes up the stairs to be on the deck in time to watch the sun rise over the water, to smoke a cigar and think about the problem of killing Alexander the Great.
All the good ideas came from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jamaillith, particularly Obadiah's involvement and especially the cufflinks being something that he bought Tony. And yes, the half-acre of mahogany line is from the NYT profile of Limbaugh.
Three billionaires, James Bond, and a hyper-efficient personal assistant walk into a room. Who walks out?
...
Pepper deals, of course, and the room is actually the game salon on Harry Osborn's hundred-foot yacht, the Celebration. The décor is typical, understated Osborn, which means there is approximately an acre of mahogany on the walls, and a dowry's worth of bovines in the upholstery. Osborn himself comes in and watches for half an hour, then goes back to playing host; another table of players sets up in the same room, but they decide to move outdoors, and by ten-thirty, things have settled. Pepper is surprisingly good at dealing the cards. She takes them in hand, resting one edge on her fingertips and the other under her thumb, shuffles, strips from the bottom, shuffles again, strips again, shuffles a third time, and deals, smooth and easy as if they were on the floor of the Bellagio.
"Yes?" she says, her eyebrows lifted a little.
Bond looks appreciative; Obadiah seems amused. Bruce, as usual, looks like he's staring at a blank wall; Tony is a little put out that he never knew that Pepper was good at this, too.
...
After winning two hands in a row that add up to about the price of a very nice little sports car, Obadiah decides to light a celebratory cigar. Tony asks the steward to bring up one of the bottles of Laphroaig that he brought aboard, and in a gesture of solidarity, Bond drinks that instead of his usual.
"Water for your Scotch, Mr. Smith?" the steward asks. Mr. Smith is the name that Bond is using. A wealthy Irish industrialist, reaping the benefits of the Celtic Tiger and globalization. Slightly unsavory background, possible connection to the certain groups in South America with a tendency to kidnap and torture.
"No, just ice."
Tony, being Tony, keeps up a steady stream of banter. Obadiah answers; Bond-known-as-Smith stays quiet, offers a pleasant remark to the occasional sally, but remembers everything, and Bruce concentrates on playing even though Tony has known him since they were running around in miniature versions of their fathers' suits at society weddings. They both have distinct memories of the time that eight year old Tony managed to somehow program the champagne fountains to go berserk everybody somebody said the word "fabulous" within ten feet of them.
"You sure you won't have some, Bruce?"
Wayne looks over. Tony gives him a look in return. "I'm fine with water, thanks. Are you going to bet?"
When asked, point blank by his father, about the champagne fountains,, Bruce confessed to knowing that it would happen and giving Tony the pennies that he'd had in his pocket because Tony needed them to do something to finish the device he put under the third of the champagne fountains. Thomas grounded him for a month and a half with a 7:30 bedtime for the whole time. When Thomas told Howard, Howard laughed and eyed Tony trying to look innocent a few feet away.
"Well, I guess that means you're not getting those digital signal processors you wanted."
"But -- "
"You didn't soak Bunny Mathers, son. If you'd done your job properly, I would've handed you this year's Texas Instruments catalog." And Howard winked at Tony.
...
"Pepper, how did you get so good at this?"
"Practice, Tony. Lots of practice."
Bond has, in fact, been studying Pepper's hands, and he thinks, to himself, that she has nice hands for it, too. Not just the manicure, but they're nicely sized and shaped. She catches him studying them and blushes in the prettiest way.
Bond admires the blush, too.
...
"Christ, Bruce. I'm asking as a childhood friend here. Would you drink something besides water? It's positively unnatural to drink water when playing poker."
Bruce fixes Tony with a grim expression.
"No."
...
Water or not -- or perhaps because of the water -- Bruce is the first one out of the game. The pot regularly stands well into five digits, and he has the discipline to stop. The money doesn't even come vaguely close to being significant, and he's tired and a more than a little bored. Stane and Smith are both pretty good. Smith is better than Stane at bluffing, but Stane reads others well without giving too much away. Tony bluffs like a virgin in a whorehouse, but plays the numbers the numbers and odds impeccably. It annoys Bruce that anybody can drink that much and obviously be drunk, but still stay remember the odds of drawing a face diamond to bet correctly. And giggle like the aformentioned virgin when he hauls it in with both hands.
Pepper can't quite stop yawning, so Bruce takes over dealing for her. She curls up on one of the couches, and five minutes later, when Tony turns around to complain that Bruce is probably cheating at dealing cards, she's fast asleep. Her shoes are on the floor, and her feet are tucked underneath her.
Obadiah looks at Bruce; Bruce looks at Bond-known-as-Smith. Bond-known-as-Smith stands up, takes his jacket off, and tucks it over her shoulders. Tony is busy looking at Pepper, but everybody notices that when man-that-Bruce-knows-is-using-a-false-name sits back down, there's a neat little Walther PP9 hanging under his arm.
"Well?" he says.
Nobody says anything, so the game continues. While Bruce deals the flop, the guy guy rolls his sleeves up, and they see the marks and broken skin and on the right forearm, what looks like glass, still caught under the skin.
Bruce knows there's an ankle holster, too, but decides to say nothing about it.
...
"Shit, Tony, I bought those for you."
Tony, at this point, is so drunk that it takes him a second to register that Obadiah is talking to him. He looks over, squints in an obvious attempt to get his eyes to focus, and decides to do the next best thing of staring at the painting on the wall behind Obadiah. He can't tell what, exactly, it's a painting of, but it involves plenty of the color green. And maybe a horse. Tony squints again and decides he really can't tell. Those might be legs. Or they could be trees. Shit.
"Well, now you have a chance to get them back, Obie."
There's a moment of silence – there's no denying they're a handsome pair of cufflinks. Blue semi-precious gems, Bond guesses, carved across the front. There's just a little bit of a cat's eye effect when the light hits them. Bond leans back in his chair and looks at Tony, who's sitting directly across from him.
"You can take them back out again if you like."
Tony makes a drunken, waving kind of motion, and Obadiah looks at both Bond and Tony, then at the pot sitting messily in the middle, for a long moment. It's a mess of chips two inches deep with Tony's cufflinks sitting on top, bright blue, and Obadiah exhales and puts his cards face down on the table.
"No, I'm done. Goddamn you both. Tony, those spinels were carved in Persepolis with the face of Darius the Great, king of all Persia, two hundred years before Alexander was a gleam in his daddy's eye. I got them for you the Christmas that we sold the Seraphim tactical satellite."
On the couch, Pepper sighs and buries her face a little more against the silk lining on Bond's jacket.
...
"Fuck," Tony says, looking at the keys in his hand. "I've got your car."
"It's not really my car,. It belongs to -- " the guy says. He starts to say something, then stops. They're both so drunk that it's pretty much a miracle of genetics that they haven't passed out, vomited, died, or some combination there of. "Well, let's just say my life won't be worth living in about -- eight hours?"
Tony nods. The cuff links are sitting on the table across from him, almost winking, and Tony thinks he should wave goodbye to them or something. "Obadiah is going to be pretty pissed at me for, like, forever for losing those," he says.
They sit in silence for a while, and Bruce Wayne makes a noise of sheer disgust. "Why don't you guys trade?"
Simultaneously: "Oh."
...
Q: Three billionaires, James Bond, and a hyper-efficient personal assistant walk into a room. Who walks out?
A: Two billionaires, one of whom is very drunk and one of whom is very sober. Also, James Bond. Who happens to be somewhat drunk, but not as drunk as he pretends to be.
The third billionaire puts a hand on the shoulder of the personal assistant and gently nudges her awake.
...
"Pepper. Wake up."
She opens her eyes and Obadiah is standing in front of her. The room is empty. "Whose jacket is this?" she says, sounding more than a little dazed.
"Smith's. He put it over you when you fell asleep. Leave it here, and he'll get it tomorrow." Pepper, still sleepy, does what he tells her, and she takes his help in getting up off the couch and leans on his arm, again, to bend down and pick up her shoes. They walk out of the salon and go down the hall, but outside her door, Pepper turns and frowns.
"Where's Tony?"
"He went to go drink some more with Smith."
"More?" Pepper's entire face gets into frowning. "What time is it? He can't do that, Obadiah. He has to -- he has a meeting -- "
"Go to bed, Pepper." Obadiah takes the keycard from her hand, swipes it in the door for her, and hands it back. "I'll see you in a few hours."
Pepper thinks about arguing with him, but decides against it, and once she's staggered through the door, Obadiah shuts it behind her and shakes the handle a little to make sure it's really locked. When he's satisfied, he walks the rest of the way down the corridor, then takes a left and goes up the stairs to be on the deck in time to watch the sun rise over the water, to smoke a cigar and think about the problem of killing Alexander the Great.
All the good ideas came from
jamaillith, particularly Obadiah's involvement and especially the cufflinks being something that he bought Tony. And yes, the half-acre of mahogany line is from the NYT profile of Limbaugh.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2008-07-04 02:05 am (UTC)Did you have Brosnan!Bond or Craig!Bond in mind?
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Date: 2008-07-04 02:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-04 02:11 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-04 02:30 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2008-07-04 02:29 am (UTC)Oh, what an excellent note to end it on.
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Date: 2008-07-04 02:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-04 02:33 am (UTC)I'll never, ever get enough of Caring!Obie. Ever.
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Date: 2008-07-04 02:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2008-07-04 03:25 am (UTC)shoving-his-necktie-in-mouth-typewoman and Wayne chooses to drink way too much water to pay Kyle the attention she needs.(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-04 03:38 am (UTC)Kinda like the Emma Frost - Tony Stark thing that was floating around? But with extra awesome, because he pushing in on Bruuuuuuuce's territory.
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Date: 2008-07-04 04:08 am (UTC)Ha! (I sat and silently giggled over this - because everyone else is watching TV - for, like, minutes.)
Such a fun read!
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Date: 2008-07-04 04:12 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-04 05:31 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-04 05:31 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2008-07-04 05:37 am (UTC)YES.
I was so excited to come home and see this! It is 31 flavors of win.
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Date: 2008-07-04 05:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-04 09:08 am (UTC)Dude.
on the deck in time to watch the sun rise over the water, to smoke a cigar and think about the problem of killing Alexander the Great.
asjkdd;; yes. Fuck.
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Date: 2008-07-04 02:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-04 01:49 pm (UTC)Tony is a little put out that he never knew that Pepper was good at this, too. Oh Tony.
Also, like, everything else. All the details. Bruce sober, Tony pissed, Bond... watching. And a gentleman. Gah.
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Date: 2008-07-04 02:04 pm (UTC)1. Come up with crackfaced idea.
2. Run it past member of the Hivemind, who tells me great ideas and details to use.
3. Repeat step 2.
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Date: 2008-07-04 04:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-04 08:02 pm (UTC)Glad you liked it. :D
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Date: 2008-07-04 08:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-04 09:11 pm (UTC)(Or not. But that was one of the things that I was really proud of for this story, so HURRAY.)
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Date: 2008-07-04 11:01 pm (UTC)1) Fess up: you were totally using the animated Batman voice, RIGHT? Because I was hearing that in my head.
2) TINY!TONY STRIKES AGAIN, THIS TIME WITH TINY!BRUCE. The "miniature versions of their fathers' suits" thing just killed me dead and ahahahaha the difference between Stark parenting and Wayne parenting, dear God, and of course Tony would totally do that.
3) I am amazed at the speed that the hivemind works. JUST LAST NIGHT I was talking with
4) OMG BOND PUTTING HIS COAT ON PEPPER. And being all cut up underneath and having the big giant gun and how Tony's just still looking at Pepper.
5) OBIE CHECKS TO MAKE SURE PEPPER'S DOOR IS REALLY LOCKED. Oh geez.
...okay, never mind, I just quoted everything. DUDE, BUT WHY NO SEX? OH NOOOOO.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-04 11:47 pm (UTC)SO YOU ARE ASKING FOR OBADIAH/PEPPER, I SEE. :>
B:TAS Bruce is all I got, to be honest. I've read and loved a lot of the Batman comics, but didn't pay close fannish attention to any of them enough to stick. B:TAS, on the other hand. STAPLE OF MY CHILDHOOD AND EARLY TEENS. IT IS HOW I LEARNED ABOUT WILLIAM BLAKE. AND WHERE I LEARNED THE BASICS OF HOW TO TELL A STORY.
God. The endless wank stories I could tell about the shit that Obadiah has at his place. It will be Jossed mad soon (and by mad soon, I mean with the next movie, probably) when they bust out with the Mandarin stuff, but in the meantime, oh, the stories I could spin you about Obadiah bidding at Christie's. And Obadiah and stolen artifacts. And Obadiah getting Tony into art. And.
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Date: 2008-07-05 12:36 am (UTC)And: Pepper is dealing cards to Iron Man, Batman, and James Bond. I have never envied a fictional character so much.
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Date: 2008-07-05 12:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-14 06:15 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-25 03:10 pm (UTC)Uh. Anyways. Bruce/Pepper is a fantastic thing, too. And I'm glad that you enjoyed this not only enough to leave a v. nice comment (which I suck at replying promptly to) but also to suggest it to others. Holy shit.
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Date: 2008-07-25 02:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-27 12:18 am (UTC)It was hysterical and even a little creepy in places, what with the glass in Bond's arm that no one brings up and Obadiah's barely-suppressed rage. I didn't expect to enjoy Bruce as much as I did, but really, in any crack, it's the smart, snarky, slightly humorousless observer who drives so much of the humor. You played him perfectly in that role.
Incidentally, I loved how you tied Obadiah's anger about the cufflinks to the very last line of the fic. Not only did the unexpected injection of icewater in the veins really work, the implied comparison between Tony and Alexander is a cool one.
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Date: 2008-08-01 08:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-05 09:48 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-27 04:53 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-13 06:20 am (UTC)And Author, dearest. I love you too.
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Date: 2009-07-27 04:23 am (UTC)