i haven't watched an episode of battlestar in five months.

[quigonejinn]

I spent a significant portion of yesterday railing to poor babel about how much I hate Kurt motherfucking goddamn pissant Vonnegut and his retarded pissant bullshit advice for how to write motherfucking fiction. After running off some of my rage, I thought about it post-gym and got angry all over again.

Yes, I know, it says something about me that I get this angry about the opinions an author I don't like at all. It also says something about me that I'm so dead-certain that I'm right and Vonnegut, famous, acclaimed author read in tens of thousands of high school English classrooms is wrong, but just to get it off my chest: there is no such thing as a rule for writing fiction. Writing is writing is writing. Fiction should be as intellectually rigorous as non-fiction; non-fiction should be as engaging and exciting as fiction.

There are, further, no hard and fast rules. All writing is persuasive. The goal of all writing, from propaganda to cake recipes, is to persuade. Fiction means the readers should buy into the message of the author; cake recipes mean the readers should believe that the recipe will lead them to make good cake. And if you, Vonnegut, can't figure out the difference between crafting effective writing and pandering, you motherfucking goddamn moron, shut your motherfucking mouth before one more misguided moron thinks you know what the hell you're talking about.

In short, Orwell >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vonnegut.

PS: YOUR RULES FOR CHARACTERIZATION SUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT ROOTING FOR A CHARACTER? ALL YOU NEED IS FOR THE READER TO BE ENGAGED WITH THE CHARACTERS, YOU NARROW MINDED, IMMATURE FOOL; I BET YOU ARE A BORE AT DINNER PARTIES

...

In other news, I just had a lunch of soppressata, followed by white peaches with Laughing Cow cheese, followed by gnocchi in some remarkably good sauce. How are you?

Comments

[iansmomesq.livejournal.com]

Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages...

Worst. Advice. Ever.

[quigonejinn.livejournal.com]

You know? For the love of God. Surprise endings can be kind of cheap, but what is the point of writing if your readers can figure it all out?

[black-hound.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I'm fucking illiterate. XD

[quigonejinn.livejournal.com]

After expending all this energy on him, I wish I were to.

*smoothes down Bush's curl*

[glasshouseslive.livejournal.com]

I think those are 8 rules you need in order to write Vonnegut-like fiction :-)

[quigonejinn.livejournal.com]

That's half my objection right there. XD

[sithy.livejournal.com]

I've never heard of the Vonnegut-thingy before *chuckles* Can't be so famous, well outside the US, that is ^^;;;

[quigonejinn.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHA. XD COMFORTING TO HEAR THAT OTHER NATIONS HAVE SENSE.

Unfortunately, in America, Vonnegut is ridiculously famous. Among secondary school students and other young Americans, Vonnegut is probably loved than Shakespeare, and more frequently read -- as opposed to "I consulted Wikipedia for a plot summary!" -- than Conrad, Austen, and all of the Brontes put together.

[randomalia.livejournal.com]

I agree. No rules for writing. I have the exact same issue with poetry: I refuse to feel like I'm not REALLY writing poems just because I don't know the rules.

And you rant better than anyone I've seen. *eats popcorn*

[quigonejinn.livejournal.com]

*puts on good show for the ticket*

You should see me when my morning coffee is delivered cold. :>

[thehappyreturn.livejournal.com]

I love how elegant Orwell's directives are in comparison. It's so reasonable. Vonnegut comes off like an asshole.

[quigonejinn.livejournal.com]

Doesn't he? I have brand new respect for Orwell after reading them.

ALSO I SEE YOU HAVE POSTED BLANCHE HOUSE CHAPTER THE LDSKJF:LKDJF.

[two-if-by-sea.livejournal.com]

I like Vonnegut's fiction, but I think it's a particular style, and I get sick of him VERY QUICKLY so if everyone wrote like Vonnegut I think I might have to seppuku on national TV to make a point.

In short: "Have I said anything that is avoidably ugly?" YES. THIS SHOULD BE EVERY WRITER'S MOTTO.