quigonejinn | in fact.

It did not take very long for Obi-Wan to accept his new Padawan in his personal capacity.

Anakin was young, lonely, and underneath his cockiness, eager to please. Obi-Wan, on his part, had not been particularly socialized to be fond of small children as small children. They were the treasures of the Temple, certainly, but they were treasures because of their potential and their gifts, not because they were shorter than he was and prone to being annoying. However, Obi-Wan was not, at heart, a hard or cruel person. He was young; he was, for the first time in a long time, lonely, and he could see that Anakin was too.

Thus, Obi-Wan grew to be fond of his new Padawan as a person substantially more quickly than anyone might have supposed.

Accepting Anakin's gifts, on the other hand, took longer.

...

For example, Anakin was not particularly bright. He could read, and he could be pleasant company, but his intelligence was strictly average or even a little below.

Any ability he had for learning complex subjects came, instead, from the Force: it was easy for him to learn star charts because he was able to intuit the placement of the stars from his connection to the Force; the Force told him where Betar Prime ought to lie on the chart. Anakin's connection with it went so deeply that he did not have to reason it out, as others did, from the clues that he had been given about its light-emission, its size, its prominence in the Median Nebula fuel trade. Anakin would reach out for the answer, and there it would be. he seemed bright in lessons because he could sense what was about to come out of the teacher's mouth before it had gotten much past her voice box.

His aptitude with droids was another example of this. He knew, intuitively, how the circuits should be and which servos should be attached to which motors. His hands moved because of the Force, not because he understood viscosity levels or had studied molecular shearing forces.

As he grew, he learned to cover it better. He looked at fuel gages and speedometers; he memorized some reasonable-sounding names that went with his gut feeling that this drive should be connected to this port and more for why you didn't want to make this droid out of that kind of metal, but the first time that Obi-Wan, on seeing that Anakin was fond of mechanical things and was fairly advanced in his ability to tinker with them, tried to have a conversation about basic engineering principles and introduce a text that Anakin might be interested in, he found that Anakin was completely ignorant beyond an ability to name the part and hold a welding tool.

It was uncanny. Unsettling. Obi-Wan had learned everything he knew about droids from texts and time spent with the machinists; he had not considered how difficult it would be, on a technical level, to teach Anakin.

...

Another odd result of Anakin being so gifted in the Force was that finesse was difficult for him.

Undoubtedly, part of it came from his personality. Anakin was not much one for subtlety; teaching him how to perform even the most basic Jedi hand signals had taken the better part of a year, and Obi-Wan still had to exaggerate anything he did if he wanted to be sure that Anakin would pick up on it and realize what was happening.

Nevertheless, part of it came from the fact that Anakin was so innately strong. When Obi-Wan tried to teach Anakin psychokinesis, he began their first session by having Anakin drink an herbal decoction used to help Younglings come into closer contact with the Force. It relaxed them; it made brought the Force into their bodies more closely, and body-independent psychokinesis was typically one of the most difficult skills for a Younglings to learn.

They were seated on opposing sides of the table. There were a set of metal blocks on the table, and after Anakin had drunk the tea, Obi-Wan told him to lean back in his seat, envision the blocks very clearly inside his mind, and then try to lift them.

Anakin leaned back. He closed his eyes. Obi-Wan leaned forward, a little nervous with anticipation, and Anakin frowned, and then he frowned harder.

The blocks, on the other hand, didn't so much as move. Obi-Wan watched them stay completely still, but just as he was about to tell Anakinthat perhaps they should try this another time, that this was a terribly adanced skill after all, he happened looked down.

He, the table, Anakin, their chairs were all drifting a few inches above the ground. Anakin had picked the whole lot up and was holding them in the air through the Force, and he had done it so smoothly, so slowly that Obi-Wan hadn't even noticed -- it was probably the relaxant qualities of the tea, really, that had let Anakin do this so slowly.

Obi-Wan looked across the table. Anakin was still frowning hard. He was starting to chew on his lip a little.

It was hard for Anakin to learn finesse because finesse, as traditionally defined for the Jedi, required a capacity for weakness in the Force.

...

In retrospect, Obi-Wan should, perhaps, have given more credence to Anakin's dreams and vision. It wasn't as though there hadn't been demonstrations of his ability at it. For example, when Anakin was fourteen, after all, they had been dispatched to a small, wretched planet with delusions of grandeur. The farewell banquet speeches continued and continued and contined, and eventually, Anakin leaned over and whispered into Obi-Wan's ear.

"I know what the minister is going to say next -- give my highest thanks and fondest regards."

"He has only said it four times already. I should hope that you are capable of understanding Basic, Anakin," Obi-Wan took a sip of his water to cover the fact that he was talking.

"No, Master." Anakin said and scootched even closer. "He is reading them off a display panel at the back of the hall, and I can tell what words are going to show on there a second or so before they do."

Obi-Wan turned his head. There was, indeed, a display at the end of the hall; they had made an attempt to conceal it by putting red-and-gold bannerson either side, and Anakin had his back turned to it. There was no way he could see it, sitting as he was.

"It's just like the test that the Council gave me, when they were trying to figure out whether I was good enough. I'm even better now, of course."

Obi-Wan hadn't shivered, but in retrospect, he should have. Anakin was sitting very close. His arm was on the back of Obi-Wan's chair, and his lips almost brushed the skin just behind Obi-Wan's ear and above his neck.

...

Anakin also had difficulties learning concealing his presence: it came naturally to Obi-Wan, had been one of the first skills he'd mastered once they taught basic Force-connection at the creche, but Anakin could never keep himself tightly under wraps. During one early spat about it when Obi-Wan needed to prove to Anakin how badly he still needed to practice, they would go and visit the Younglings. Anakin pulled his presence around him, walked into the creche room next to Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan introduced himself, only himself. He gave no indication that there was another with him.

And after a moment or so, he'd practically feel Anakin's embarassment radiating through the room as every single Youngling in the place turned their eyes to him. They could seem him clear as day, as clearly as if he weren't even bothering. One of the older ones who'd gotten a bit more doctrine even pointed to Anakin and said, out loud, "He's not doing a very good job, Knight Kenobi."

Anakin practiced at it, and he got much better, but even years later, Obi-Wan could still tell. They would be at a formal function, and Anakin would retire early. Obi-Wan would follow at a decent interval afterwards, and they would have fought earlier in the day. Obi-Wan wouldn't be entirely sure whether Anakin would be waiting for him, whether Anakin would be in the mood for sex or even talking, but even before he'd stepped into the room, without asking the droids or the house systems, he could always tell whether Anakin was waiting for him in their rooms or whether Anakin had slipped away to go pacing around the grounds instead.

After so many years, Obi-Wan could feel Anakin in the next room like a prickle on the skin, a slight hum that only he could hear. He had asked other Jedi about it -- Plo Koon, Quinlan, even -- but they didn't hear it. They might feel something when Anakin did something that drew particularly strong, but not normally.

They didn't hear it; they didn't feel it.

In fact, back then, for a space of time, Obi-Wan thought that it had been actual love.

...

After Mustafar, it took years for Obi-Wan to come to terms with the notion that there was any sense of rightness in the fact that Anakin had been so gifted. It had taken him years to forgive himself, and after he had forgiven himself, he still had to learn to deal with the sheer unfairness that Anakin should have been so immensely gifted. Such a natural talent. So much potential. So gifted, and in the end, Obi-Wan supppsed that there was a fundamental element of unfairness to it. A lack of balance, which fit with the notion that Anakin had not, in fact, turned out to be the one to bring balance to the Force.

Qui-Gon, in his capacity as a Force ghost, continued to insist that Anakin was. It was difficult for Obi-Wan to understand precisely what Qui-Gon meant; it had been years since Qui-Gon first appeared, and he was beginning to fade around the edges. He no longer spoke as clearly as he did; he had been, in the beginning, good company, but now, his voice broke into static. He had begun to forget things about his personal history as he dissolved more and more into the Force.

He even claimed to have visited Anakin, as he now existed, in his dreams. Qui-Gon claimed that he had carried on conversations with the tiny spark of goodness that still lay inside him, and he insisted that Anakin would, in fact, some day destroy the Sith. He would bring balance to the Force, but living in the darkness of Tatooine and in his bitterness, Obi-Wan decided that he had found his own sense fairness and balance.

After all, he had grown to be fond of Anakin as a person substantially more quickly than anyone might have supposed. He trusted the person, but he had not trusted the gifts, the Force.

Now, living on a desert planet, waiting for a sliver of a desperate chance, watching for the last creature that he still knew from his old life and loved in any genuine, personal way to disappear forever, Obi-Wan could only reject the notion of trusting and putting faith in the person. He had failed Anakin; Anakin had become Vader. The person was nothing; even Qui-Gon could not remain an individual forever, and the only thing that Obi-Wan that he could possibly trust was in the Force. He had to trust in it.

It and his gifts for it were, in fact, the only things that he had left.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

*sobs* *cries* I need a happy ending every once in a while. ;_;

And an A/O fic with a happy ending? SORRY, NOT HAPPENING.

That's what AU is for. :D :D :D

As for the Force-lifting deal, it's a little more canon, since what lay people call a Jedi mind trick, I read the Jedi call it "Force influence", though this might be an EU thing. It's a solid thing to me, though. Usually, I work around describing as anything other thn "lifting things with the Force" or finding some nifty way to describe it, because that's how the Jedi seemed to go on about it.

Dude, email me, and I can give you my AIM if I want, or you can just email me if you ever want to bounce an idea off me. :D (Be prepared for nitpickery.) Can't you people tell my by LJ habits THAT I NEVER SLEEP? (Seriously, I have insomnia, so I don't sleep hardly at all, and when I do, it's generally the middle of the day.)

Also, if I didn't suck so hard, that would read, "I can give you my AIM if YOU want."

Also, Obi-Wan is a senile old man. *pets him and his angstfulness*

Apropos of nothing except as proof of the fact that I am the most retarded and stupid person ever and that I just went to the SW website to look for something:

I never realized that the sleeves on Obi-Wan's Padawan robe were SO MUCH LONGER than his arms. I mean, it's possible that before this, they took a little side trip behind the pile of droid parts on the left and got naked and Obi-Wan ended up with Qui-Gon's robe, but man. I'd never realized that. He has sleeves like a fucking geisha girl homgggggggggggggggggg.

He looks kinda unkempt, in fact. People always talk about how Obi-Wan is super-neat and anal, but lookit him there. OMG. Between the unfinished end on his Padawan braid and the oversized robe and the wrinkly of his pants and how low he's wearing hi belt (OMG, it's a little bent because he wears his belt SO LOW), ladies and gentleman, Padawan Kenobi is sporting this season's hottest look: Jedi hobo.

And pop me your AIM thingy, lady. :D I'm not around much, but the next time I need your vast, nitpicky brain, I'll pop you a line. <3

And. Yeah. You know, I'm trying to think now about a universe where Obi-Wan trains Anakin and it doesn't end up being sad as anything. And I'm failing. Because, like, Padme getting preggers with the twins? The hell, y'know? It's going to be rough in any case. *suspects that she needs an Obi-Wan icon that says BORN TO BE SAD or something*

ladies and gentleman, Padawan Kenobi is sporting this season's hottest look: Jedi hobo.

:falls over laughing:

Either Obi-Wan is stealing his Master's spare robes -- I think not, considering they'd drag on the floor for *inches* if he did that-- or the Jedi Quartmaster is not that competent at fitting humanoids.

Or Obi-Wan is very concerned about having enough room to tuck his hands into his sleeves...

Omg. Obi-Wan trying on his Mastuh's robes is unbelievably cute. >.> Obi-Wan's very neat in AotC and RotS, but he is a bit sloppy in TPM. I think Anakin made him anal-retentive. XD

My AIM is imadrabloodwater and notaspicedcookie primarily. I'm currently hiding on obiwanlikeshugs (shut up) and ignoring all the others until like January, but you can ping me if so inclined. Sometimes my computer is on, and I'm not around, so if I don't answer, that would be me failing at an Away message. I'll need your AIM if you're getting me on obiwanlikeshugs, because strangers can't contact me on there.

I can think of many universes where Obi-Wan and Anakin have a happy ending, but I'm an OTPer. And they sorta get a happy ending at RotJ. You should at least write a happy Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan? :D Obi-Wan is the SW King of Angst.

in fact.

Re: i didn't forget baby luke. obi-wan just hasn't gotten around to remembering him. :/

Re: i didn't forget baby luke. obi-wan just hasn't gotten around to remembering him. :/

actually, i suspect that this isthe real reaosn i'll never write happy a/o,even in AU. *WEARS TINHAT

Re: actually, i suspect that this isthe real reaosn i'll never write happy a/o,even in AU. *WEARS TI

Hi, my name is Jax, and I fail at timely responses.